The Toe Poke Daily is here every day to bring you all the weirdest stories, quirkiest viral content and top trolling that the internet has to offer, all in one place.
With the new season just 57 days away, today is Premier League fixtures day, yes that day when fans can see when their club will play twice against every other club in the league. When everyone has quite finished making the same point about everyone having to play 38 games, it made for some fun comments on social media.
Fixtures, fixtures and more fixtures
It really does matter, doesn’t it?
Slightly baffled by the all the ballyhoo about the fixtures announcement. The teams all play each other twice !
— Ian Darke (@IanDarke) June 13, 2019
Premier League fixtures summary: Everyone plays everyone. At some point.
— Matt Law (@Matt_Law_DT) June 13, 2019
Find the “everyone plays everyone twice” schtick tedious with fixtures. When and where they fall is important for planning when to go, matches after Euro games, whether you see a set of games and see a chance for momentum, etc etc. It’s actually important.
— Alex Shaw (@AlexShawESPN) June 13, 2019
August is a treat
Man United vs Chelsea
Man City vs Spurs
Liverpool vs Arsenal pic.twitter.com/vizP61w276
— ESPN UK (@ESPNUK) June 13, 2019
My brain hurts from staring at this analysis
As is traditional, I’ve used an average of bookmakers’ odds to visualise when each Premier League team’s tougher and easier fixtures fall: pic.twitter.com/T9JtlU6JtN
— Ben Mayhew (@experimental361) June 13, 2019
Earliest crisis for Man United or Chelsea ever?
Man Utd or Chelsea will be in full crisis mode by August 12th. https://t.co/De4FbfVJyJ
— Rob Brown (@robbro7) June 13, 2019
Please United fans stop posting that our top 4 hopes hinge on the result of our opening games against Chelsea.
— Cantona’s Collar 🇾🇪 (@CantonaCollars) June 13, 2019
A Liverpool conspiracy theory?
— Simon Stone (@sistoney67) June 13, 2019
How it feels to be in the Premier League again…
Sheffield United’s big return to the Premier League begins with a match at a ground that’s one-third the size of theirs.
— Huw Davies (@thehuwdavies) June 13, 2019
It’s ‘Crystal Palace’.
Welcome to the Premier League. https://t.co/QzaRb4u0nf
— Crystal Palace F.C. (@CPFC) June 13, 2019
Now this is what you call a fixture clash…
— Match of the Day (@BBCMOTD) June 13, 2019
Chelsea have a replacement for Hazard
Replacing a player like Eden Hazard is going to be no mean feat for Chelsea, who saw their star man leave for Real Madrid last week in a deal that may end up being worth around £150m.
Thankfully, a contender to take up Hazard’s considerable mantle at Stamford Bridge has emerged in the slightly unlikely form of Jonathan Walters.
He may have retired from football several months ago, but the former Stoke City and Burnley striker, 35, has informed the Blues he’d be willing to step in and replace their departed Belgian, citing his formidable record.
— Jonathan Walters (@JonWalters19) June 13, 2019
Stoke fans will no doubt recall that Walters managed the impressive feat of scoring not one, but two own-goals (as well as missing a penalty) in a 4-0 home defeat against Chelsea back in 2013.
In effect, he’s scored two goals for Chelsea without ever playing a single match for them. You simply can’t argue with stats like that.